I probably don’t need to mention it again, but just in case you didn’t know. I am not a writer. In fact, I started this blog after finding and reading blogs for many months. Blogs are, by their format or nature, totally hilarious, thought-provoking and tragically sad, usually all at the same time.
I was so moved by the stories I read, I felt like I owed it to myself and the world to share some of my own stories and random thoughts. I’m not anyone special, at least if I am *special* – then I am the embodiment of the quote “Of course, you’re special, just like everyone else”. (FYI~ my grammar and punctuation sucks as well, so all you imaginary grammar-nazis will find your panties in a twist)
Anyway, back to my point. uhhhh, oh yeah.
I was talking about the stories. They get to me. They make me sad. Really, really sad. I don’t get wrapped up in everyday sad stories, but there’s something about the stories that I’ve been following over the past six months that have affected me deeply.
In therapy, my shrink wants me to try to identify what it is about these particular stories that affect me. Perhaps it’s because I have kids that I worship. Perhaps it’s that I was a NICU mom. Perhaps it’s because I am looking for truth and meaning. I don’t me to be confusing, dear imaginary friends. 
It’s just that I’m not sure I believe in the God that I was raised to follow and believe and trust.
I was raised Episcopalian, which is basically *Catholic Lite*, half the confession and guilt of regular Catholicism, but all the calories. I have prayed in my life. Pray for my parents, prayed for my children, in fact, up until April, I said a prayer of thanks almost every night for my kids.
Up until April, I honestly thought it helped. Now, I’m not so sure. I read these stories about Maddie and Grey and Thalon and I am having a hard time believing there is a benevolent leader of the universe. Why in the world would there be a reason for these precious kids to not be with the parents that adore them? Still adore them – and at the same time, evil people in this world abuse and neglect their kids, don’t care about them – at all. I can’t, no, I WON’T accept the explanation of *The Lord works in mysterious ways*. Just doesn’t wash.
More on this later. . . Thanks for listening, dear, sweet imaginary friends!
